Zero Fucks To Give

I have more drafts than posts for this blog. I start writing and then abandon ship when I hear an invisible bell go off signalling time’s up. I don’t know why, but I’ve caught myself in this whirlpool of ideas, but an inability to anchor myself to finish any of them. This might even be another one to toss overboard?

I keep telling myself it’s a lack of time. I work a pretty time consuming job, and I work contracts on the side. Of which I keep picking up more even as I yell at myself to stop. Bills need paying, cars need fixing, and the kid and I are headed overseas in the next year, so the green needs to keep coming.

Once I finish the 10+ hours a day I work I’m kinda wiped out, and lack the oomph to do much more than veg. Especially the days that begin at 4:30am to go to the gym. I make this a priority because without it both my physical and mental health deteriorate.

I’ve organized my day within an inch of its life lately. I have all kinds of alarms on my phone reminding me to eat, take my vitamins, write, and do the skincare routines I’ve built. Without them I’d never take a break, falling exhausted and starving into bed. Which most days is about 9:30pm.

I’ve become my father. Early to bed, early to wake.

Except he can skip the gym as he’s blessed with genetics that make it impossible for him to gain weight! That tricky bastard skipped a generation so I even smell a baked good and find a new dimple on my ass.

Even with everything that seems to pour into my life I don’t think I would change a thing. I have weekly dates with Spawn, take myself out every Friday night and am actively working to spend more time with friends. I’ve even signed up for some new classes over the summer, coz why not?!?!? So, while I’m not always as present here as I want to be, I am making more memories to share when I have more time. Each draft is another story just waiting to be finished.

One day….